I found a letter written by my 17-yr-old self that I addressed to my co-Agape retreatants. In it, I confessed to being selfish with my faith and not wanting to share my new experience with anyone. Even back then, I was “high on life,” but I feared to be a “God freak.” This feeling continued in a Catholic school where they taught me an unhealthy fear of God. I did not want to disappoint or anger Him.
I spent summer living in Opus Dei’s NYC residence and taught Catechism to young Spanish girls. Later, I served in a Church ministry. Ashrams, Synagogues, a Unitarian Church, and Church of Christ intrigued me. I felt my heart pound, and my soul came alive in a Buddhist temple in China. I felt the massive energy in Machu Picchu, Peru.
God has been with me through my work at the New York-Presbyterian Allen Hospital*. I trained volunteers and cared for cancer patients. I also coached and taught staff and clinicians empathy and compassion. As I held my 13th godchild hours after birth, I can even say that I spent a decade mentoring a young girl into a young woman. Not to mention that I also continued a kind and caring relationship with my ex-husband of 15 years. Finally, as I keep the journey of discovering myself and finding love again, God is here.
During a six-week sojourn in my early forties, I wrote a letter mailed to myself six months later. “Like a caterpillar, you crawled, covered great ground, lived a monastic existence, learned, grew, touched others then, open and vulnerable you discovered your inner self. With the support of family, you put past hurts to burn in the fire. You are left standing! Are you now able to fly?”
Years later, still, I am closest than ever to God. I now forgive myself for being perfectly imperfect. I live spiritually by making daily conscious contact with God and share regular fellowship meetings with others who walk this path. My life is full of moments of serenity. And now, I share my experiences, strength, and hope with anyone who will listen.
This is how I stay “high on life” today and, yes, sometimes even fly.
