CHRIST-ALL-IZED

TERESITA TANSECO-CRUZ

For a very long time in my life, I harbored much difficulty and guilt, trying to understand  the idea of Jesus having died for our sins and that we were now “saved.” Did that mean l could live any life I pleased and still be guaranteed life with God when I was done on earth?

My 14 years in Catholic schools did not exactly encourage deeper probing into this mystery. I have never attempted to read any theological explanations, whether profound, scholarly, or abridged for my simple lay person’s mind. I didn’t ask anyone, or if I did, I suppose the answers remained unconvincing. I just let that sit in the background of my spiritual puzzlements and wanderings. For quite a while.

But somehow, somewhere, I longed for something  I could grasp at the essential level. What was this thing called redemption all about? So I turned to God, naturally it seemed, though intermittently. I just kept wondering aloud to him whenever, however, I was moved to do so. These on and off musings did lead, slowly through decades, to simple, quiet routes such as the “Ignatian Road,” the “I Have a Covenant with God and No One Else” Road, the “Jesus Went to His Death Laying Out the Only Worthwhile Road Map on Earth: Loving and Serving God” Road, the “Your Most Constant Enemy Against Love and Inner Peace Is Your Ego” Road. And other similarly challenging but interesting and somehow nurturing paths.

I believe God has blessed me, in His mercy, with a few takeaways from navigating those trails.

God is my faithful Friend, Lover, and Protector, who has nothing on His agenda but to love me and look after me. He has a sense of humor that cracks me up, especially when he shows me how tragically comical my ego is. He brings me profound comfort that brings me to grateful tears. He knows me, intimately. He knows every movement of my being, every need of my spirit, every joy, and longing of my heart. I truly have a thriving, uniquely personal relationship with God…real and relevant to my daily life. It is the only relationship I will ever have with Perfection, so I only have to focus on improving my behavior and not worry about His!

Christ died thousands of years ago. Now long arisen, He is alive every moment in the present, shepherding me, snatching me from the ever-hungry clutches of my ego. The ransom he had paid with his life is not so I could live my life in self-serving abandon, but so I can be totally His, that gratefully unfettered by my ego, I may freely receive His ultimate gift of Love and respond with my own humble gift of love. Christ crucified suffers. Christ risen smiles. Always in love and peace, drawing me closer to him.

The mystery has been lifted.

God has lovingly granted me staggering glimpses of “ living in grace.” It must have been how the saints lived! It throbs with life. It pulsates with God Himself in me through Christ. It glows. It sparkles like crystal. One’s life becomes Christ-all-ized! GRACE, in my experience, is God’s Redeeming, Animating, Christ Essence in my soul.

Joy overpowers me.  I pray not to shout it from mountain tops so the world may hear about God, but to plant it in the trenches, that hearts may recognize God. Thus may He guide me to live for the rest of my earthly days…gratefully loved, graced, redeemed.