A Caterpillar Experience

ANGELI PANGILINAN-VALENCIANO

In 1981, my dream came true when the king of movies, Fernando Poe Jr., chose me to be his leading lady, and I said yes to two films only to back out suddenly due to my desire to live a more private life. He saw my Camay soap commercial and asked his producer to hire me, so they were all surprised when I changed my mind.  My managers and mentors, like Peque Gallaga, were in shock. With schedules and negotiations all done and fixed, I got cold feet!

Meanwhile, I kept trying to quit the band, Magic and Music, which I had joined in 1979 after a proposal from Sandra Chavez of the Society for Dramatics and Fine Arts of the University of the Philippines (UP). My managers, however, refused to let me go.  

Finally, in 1983, when I met a young 18-year old named Gary Valenciano in a Maryknoll College fair where he and our band were guest performers, I decided to make him my escape route. Because Gary was an outstanding singer, I knew he would be a star sooner than soon, and they would not need to force me to be the star I realized that I never wanted to be. I asked him to audition during our rehearsals for a concert, and Sandra agreed to sign him up on the spot! He and Zsa Zsa Padilla, an 18-year old singer who asked Sandra to manage her, would be perfect for the company we set up. I could quietly disappear and join the corporate world of construction, human resources recruitment, furniture export, and real estate. 

The problem was – Gary and I fell in love!  Worse, he courted my sister after he realized that I had a boyfriend and he had no chance with me. Or so he thought. This sudden change was not part of my plan!

Throughout my entire school life and band season, there was never a time when I did not believe in God, and my faith would be present in all my journals and diaries where I would write my prayers and ask Him for guidance in my daily life. The human spirit may almost always be willing, but the flesh usually is weak. 

After two months with my sister, Gary confessed his love for me, and I almost fainted. Our love story started in a scandal where I got pregnant the year after I met him, and eventually, we got married, but his star never dimmed. But I never knew that I would be hated, called names, cursed, and judged by many in the industry and people who did not know the real story behind our relationship.

After I saw my face in the front headlines of a tabloid exposing my pregnancy, I even tried to take my life when I floored the gas pedal of my car and ended up in a counter-flow situation. God still had me in his heart as I was protected that day!

My Pangilinan family – my parents, and all my eight siblings and I, was the model family of La Salle University and a prominent clan at UP. What a shameless woman I had become!  I was drowning in shame and confusion.

This broken vessel was so wounded because I was so used to being popular and loved as a student leader and performer.  But my life turned around when Gary and I recommitted our lives to Jesus Christ in 1985.  I realized that I knew Christianity in my mind but not in my heart. We prayed and surrendered to Jesus Christ and asked him to take over!

I memorized Bible verses so that amid all Gary’s episodes due to juvenile diabetes, God would wake me up at 3 am to check on him. I would save him from hypoglycemia, an abnormally low blood sugar level, and I would declare Psalm 23: “Even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.“  

Gary and I formed a company named Genesis in 1986 because we believed that the first book of the Bible was where Creation began when God gave dominion to man and all the resources needed for life were entrusted to Adam. We wanted to produce music, concerts, and content for God’s glory.  

The opportunity came that year and Gary was to record his last song for his Christmas album in the studio, but he called me and said he had no words for the music. I then asked, “What kind of a song do you want?” He said, ”I want it to be Christian.” My reply was, “Well did you pray about it?” He answered, “No.” “ You can’t write a song for Jesus if you did not pray about it,” I said. “Go to a studio alone and ask for the Holy Spirit to give you the words for the song!” An hour later, “Take Me Out of the Dark” was born.

Take Me Out of the Dark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nplLLEwBIeg

Gary recorded the song that very night, and it has blessed millions since then. Soon after, he wanted Tagalog lyrics for another song and asked me to do it. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to give me the lyrics for Gary’s music, and “Sana Maulit Muli” was born two hours later.

Sana Maulit Muli (With daughter, Kiana)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6N5yTQEH9uc

My 37-year life with Gary has been sprayed with trials that we have been able to overcome by God’s grace. Type 1 Diabetes needs daily monitoring of sugar levels and blood pressure all the time. In addition, Gary had a bout with hepatitis, tuberculosis, and open-heart surgery. On top of arthroscopic surgeries on his knees, multiple seizures, and ER trips due to hypoglycemia, the doctors also had to remove part of his kidney because of a tennis ball-sized malignant mass. With God’s grace, I had remained unafraid during all this time.

God has sustained Gary, our children, and me through all the deepest valleys in our marriage, including suicidal bouts of our second son, Gabriel, who tried to take his life twice. I hang on to the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s Word, and with every attack that comes our way, I declare his Word, “No weapon formed against us will prosper,” and “Do not worry about anything.” Our firstborn Paolo, with wife Samantha and daughter Leia, and our daughter Kiana, who also has anxiety and depression bouts, have recognized the need to seek the truth in God’s Word.

I know, through it all, our Lord will heal us and make us whole.

Make us Whole Again
https://youtu.be/e5fNhYE8JZI?list=OLAK5uy_kyb5P1xRgG_DRCKA56WESaPGkOZY0BXQU