ABBA

Since my childhood, I’ve always wondered what God is like. I’ve always envisioned him as being a harsh disciplinarian sitting on his throne, and I’d imagine him watching over all creation, dishing out punishment and curses to all those deserving of his wrath. There were many instances when I would ask myself: How should I relate to God? Is my relationship with him that of a king and his servant? My perception of him was that of a God who is distant from humanity, far from being a father. I always thought that we would only be able to experience his love if and when we ever get to heaven. I found out years later that I was sorely mistaken.

I first received Jesus as Lord of my life as a teen after hearing the Gospel from my uncle. Unfortunately, I was oblivious of the meaning of my decision, so I allowed my will to prevail in living my life as I saw fit. Insisting on my stubborn ways led me astray for about three-quarters of my life, about 37 years total. By God’s grace, it didn’t last any longer than that.

My perception of God changed gradually and completely after experiencing an intimate relationship with Jesus, my Lord, and my savior. I realized then that I perceived God as distant because I merely knew of him, but I did not know him. My knowledge of him was through what I learned in school, my former religion, and stories from the Bible. Fortunately, God gave me another chance to re-commit my life to Jesus and to truly get to know him.

Two events led to this decision that changed my life forever. In 2016, my wife and I decided to join a Christian revival conference in Bangkok with our pastor and other congregation members. This was a turning point for me as a Christian. The three-day conference brought me to a crossroads in my life where I decided to re-commit and surrender my life to Jesus once and for all. After this event, I became more involved in Church activities. One day, I received a message from our pastor asking me to deliver the exhortation or sermon on a Sunday worship service. This led to more Saturday and Sunday exhortations, regular Bible study, and prayer group gatherings.

In 2017, our pastor organized a pilgrimage to Israel. This was significant compared to the previous Church trips because it was Sukkot or the Feast of Tabernacles. It is one of seven feasts that God established in the book of Leviticus that is celebrated yearly by Jews and Christians alike. What makes the 2017 feast significant is that it coincided with the Year of Jubilee that happens only every 50 years. My wife and I could not let this literally once-in-a-lifetime experience pass.

This was the second event that had a huge influence and impact on my life. My pastor and Bible scholars say that to fully understand the Bible, we must read, meditate, and study it from a Jewish perspective. It was, after all, written by their ancestors and is intended primarily for them. Suffice to say that my experience from that trip gave me the perspective I needed. It gave me context, and it opened my eyes to what the narrative truly means from the book of Genesis to Revelation. I began to understand God’s character. Knowing his character gave me insight into his will for humanity and exactly how he accomplished his plans of redemption and reconciliation with all of creation. It was revealed through his written word, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I was directed to Jesus. It was as if God was saying to me, “This is who I am.” That led me to search even more diligently. So among other things, my wife and I decided to go on pilgrimage with our pastor and brethren every two years.

Our most recent trip was in November 2019, and the theme of our pilgrimage was The Promised Land and the 7 Churches. This was another spiritually enriching experience for me that contributed to my spiritual growth. On our first visit in 2017, my encounter with God was at the Garden Tomb. On our 2019 pilgrimage, I encountered God at the Jordan River and during our visit to the seven churches in Turkey. The latter pilgrimage brought me an even stronger desire and conviction to be a worker in the Lord’s vineyard.

What became evident is that God has been continuously revealing himself to me throughout all these years, in all of the days between these life-changing experiences. A relationship was established, and through this intimate relationship, the Father showed his loving kindness, faithfulness, and goodness. He revealed himself mightily in every aspect of my life, from one experience to the next. The Lord manifested his presence in special ways that are very personal. Each time, he made sure that it would not be mistaken for coincidence. Indeed, what he said through his prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled in me – “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

The Church in Sardis (ruins of the synagogue where early Christians gathered)

I find it extremely difficult to encapsulate everything I experienced and discovered about God in a few paragraphs. What is clear to me, though, is that he is not the distant God I once thought him to be. Through experience, I now know him to be the personification of unconditional love. He is my Abba. My kind, compassionate, gentle, fun, generous, good, and loving Father. All glory to God!