Let Go, Let God

ERICSON PEREZ

I’ve heard these words over and over for a long time now. First, it was the advice from well-meaning friends, who probably practiced it regularly. Then it evolved into something I would write and repeat silently to myself, over and over, during the most difficult trials in my life. Desperate for relief from the troubles burdening me, I would repeat these four words so often that they started to sound inane. Let go; let God. How?

It seemed like the simplest thing in the world to do. Let something go and let someone else take care of it. If someone offered to pay all my bills today, I would not think twice about saying yes. Let go of your bills; let someone else pay them. Yes, please! Let go of your household chores; let someone else do them. Yes, please! Let go of your work responsibilities; let someone else do them. It should be that easy. If something is so complex, why not let someone else take care of it?

Why was it so hard for me to Let go, let God? No matter how much I tried, I continued to carry all the troubles and burdens in my life, and they weighed on me. They weighed on me physically. I was always exhausted, and my shoulders, neck, and back were always stiff and sore. They weighed on me emotionally. Constantly irritable, my fuse for blowing up was so short that those close to me likened me to a time bomb, someone to avoid and be careful around. And they weighed on me spiritually. I questioned my faith. Can God do this? With all the wrongs I have committed in my life, do I deserve His help?

I kept all my burdens and troubles and didn’t give any to God, to the detriment of my relationships. I weighed on the people around me, not my problems or burdens. I was the downer in social gatherings. There were few to no invitations. Oddly, I became the eggshells that people would tread gently over with everything I was carrying. Eventually, it became, “Let’s avoid rather than crack.”

I do not know how to Let go; let God. Is this an impossible task for someone who needs to be at the helm of every moment of his life? “Control everything you do so you don’t make a mistake, so you don’t let someone down, so you don’t embarrass yourself, so you don’t disappoint, so you appear to be all together. Perfect.”

And if I were to let go, what would I do next? Do I wait and see, or do I do something to help God do it for me?

I could not let go, and I knew I was in dire need of help. The weight of the burdens and troubles I was carrying was drowning me. It was inevitable that I would hit rock bottom if I did not learn how to Let go and let God. So, I went to a priest. Who else could show me better how to Let go, let God?

What the priest said during my first counseling session was utterly unexpected. After taking time to listen to my burdens and troubles, he said, “Let go; let God is too transcendent for you at this point in your journey. You are not ready for this. You must first deal with your troubles and burdens by understanding them.”

What a relief! Why not? How can I transcend to that level? I really should not Let go, let God, yet?

In other words, how can I control being able to Let go, let God?

And now, the work of understanding myself begins at almost age 50.

I took the photos in this article during my hiking, surfing, and paddle-boarding activities in Rizal, Taal Lake, and Baler.

Ericson J. Perez is the Head of School of The Vanguard Academy, a private secular school that serves individuals of all abilities. Ericson is an experienced educator and an advocate for equitable access to education and employment opportunities for individuals with special needs. He is also a proponent of mental health awareness and programs supporting well-being.