“Our Life is Not Really Our Own”

We are grateful to present Fr. Mon Bautista, SJ, the Spiritual Director of White Butterfly, who wrote in four parts, The Art of Choosing Well (December 2020) originally printed in The World Missions Magazine and whose series of talks on St. Joseph had been transcribed and posted on White Butterfly (March/April 2021).

The following piece comes from the homily given by Fr. Mon at the Holy Mass he celebrated for Amanda’s 40th-day celebration on February 25, 2023.

Fr. Bautista personifies giftedness and grace. We thank him for his presence and spirit in White Butterfly, and for the gift he has given my niece, Amanda, and our family.

Teresita Tanseco-Cruz

FR. RAMON MA. LUZA BAUTISTA, SJ

My dear friends – our mass this evening for Amanda reminds me of the national flower of Japan – the cherry blossom (sometimes people call it – the sakura).

Interestingly, the cherry blossom is also the favorite flower of samurai lords (samurai warriors & fighters).

Cherry blossoms bloom in full during springtime – usually around mid-March to early April. At this time – they show forth and exhibit their beauty and magnificence.

But then – their life span is short (very short). After blooming and displaying their beauty, these cherry blossoms remain on the tree for only about seven to ten days. And after only seven to ten days, their petals just die and fall.

NOW what is noteworthy here is this – these cherry blossoms do not wither away. They do not wrinkle away like most flowers. What is peculiar to these cherry blossoms is that they die and fall to the ground and exactly when they are at the height and peak of their beauty.

And that is why – they say this lovely flower became the favorite symbol of these samurai warriors, fighters, and lords, with many of them dying or getting killed exactly when they are quite young and active – at their prime as it were – so full of life and vitality.

It was Ralph Waldo Emerson (that celebrated author) who said – “It is not the length of life but the depth of life (that truly matters).” In short – in life – the length or number of years of living is secondary. What is primary is our depth or quality of living.

No doubt – this truth we can apply to Amanda – who left us at 38 years old.

I never really met Amanda – but from what Celia would tell me – she was such a lovely person – fully alive.

Celia shared with me Amanda’s note to her on her 76^th birthday where Amanda advised you, Celia, “to celebrate yourself.”

And Amanda added (& I quote) –

“. . . so please (my dearest mother) remember when you struggle with aging or just your responsibilities – God has a plan for you and he only wants the best for you. . . we love you so so much.”

(Wow!)

Here Amanda was urging you, Celia – to “celebrate” – not just special occasions – like birthdays or anniversaries or jubilees. But to celebrate your very self, your very being – who you are and what you have become.

In Amanda’s last article in White Butterfly entitled,  “God Seems To Be So Silent,” she wrote and again, I quote –

“As a Christian, my life is not really my own. Therefore I must accept everything that comes – not passively let things pass by but understand that to survive life’s uncertainties, I must relinquish ownership over things I cannot control. . So when God seeming silence arrives, I don’t expect an answer whenever I ask God questions…Things may not come immediately, but they come in God’s Perfect Time.”

Yes – no doubt, these touching and beautiful words of affirmation and wisdom reflect the kind of heart, the kind of interiority, Amanda possessed – & the kind of person she truly was.

Like that beautiful sakura or cherry blossom flowers, she manifested her loveliness and charm – & then, without warning – so suddenly left us. No time for drying up and fading and withering away.

YES indeed – “It is not the length of life but the depth of life “that truly matters.”

Last Wednesday, this wonderful season of Lent started. It started with ashes placed on our foreheads with the words –

“Remember that you are dust, and to dust, you shall return.”

Considering Lent – usually, many of us are not drawn to this exceptional season. Many prefer Advent & of course, Xmas or Easter as a season to anticipate and commemorate in our liturgical calendar.

Yet Lent is such a great season.

And in receiving ashes on our foreheads – the point of our Christian faith is not only to emphasize the truth that life is short (or life is fragile). In addition – the point of our faith when blessing us with sacred ashes is to remind us of the undeniable truth that we cannot save ourselves. We need a Savior – a Redeemer on whom we can depend.

And I believe this was what Amanda somehow meant when she wrote, “yes – my life is not really my own.”

After this homily, we continue with our mass. And later, we will move to the consecration part, which is one of the high points of our celebration. And after the words of consecration, I, as the priest, will invite you all “Let us proclaim the mystery of faith.”

There are different formulas for the mystery of faith. But my favorite, or the one I like best, is that which declares – “Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again.”

In Filipino, we say – “Si Kristo’y namatay. Si Kristo’y nabuhay. Si Kristo’y babalik sa wakas ng panahon.”

What happened to Christ will also happen to all of us. And yes – what happened to Christ will also happen to Amanda.

And so in all truthfulness – we can say – “Si Amanda’y namatay. Si Amanda’y mabubuhay. At si Amanda’y babalik (siya ay babalik sa wakas ng panahon). Kapiling muli nating lahat. Kapiling muli ninyong lahat.”

And so in this mass – with you, Celia, and the Lising-Tanseco family – we grieve and mourn with you on Amanda’s passing.

Nevertheless, at the same time – as people of faith – we hope not in ourselves but in our Lord, who is in control of everything as our Redeemer and Savior. And with our Lord as Redeemer and Savior, we believe – we trust that despite life’s pains and sorrows – in the end – no matter what

light is greater than darkness;

grace is greater than sinfulness;

hope is greater than doubt;

love is greater than hate;

& life is greater than death.