Faith Mends the Broken

FAYE ESQUILLO

One year on… how have I been?

Many people have been asking me how I am doing after three important people in my life died one after the other in a span of a month and after I myself was hospitalized for three weeks battling with COVID-19. The man I loved and shared a happy life with for 25 years was gone in an instant without even saying our goodbyes. His mother died two days earlier, and his brother left a young family three weeks later.

Everything precious in my life that set the pattern for my daily existence was gone in an instant.

With no one to turn to in my most vulnerable state of nothingness, I found solace in a barrio in Bacolor, Pampanga, with a spiritual healer in his eighties who embraced me as family.

A couple of months later, as I was regaining my clarity, I  started praying for signs to guide me on my next steps after suffering from the effects of the deaths of people close to my heart and unfair treatment from people who I felt should have known better. I was terrified of the future outside of my comfort zone.

Then the signs came.

In March of 2022, I read an article about Paraiso Village Farm in San Jose, Batangas. I decided to arrange a visit to see and experience what was described in the narrative. So I went in April of 2022 nonchalantly with my sister, who was grieving the loss of her husband three months earlier before I lost mine. I discovered I shared the same “2nd father” as the person with the contact number identified in the article – the same Jesuit priest who helped and sent us to school.

Fr. Thomas Steinbugler was guardian to Tony Meloto, a poor boy from Negros who finished College in Ateneo de Manila, the same benefactor and father figure to me and my four siblings after we lost our mother, who used to work at the Institute of Philippine Culture. The meeting was nothing less than a divine appointment and an answered prayer to my grieving heart.

The second sign came when I went to the Paraiso Serenity Chapel.

I felt instant peace. I felt the clarity of mind while walking the Paraiso cliff trail. Soon after, I chose to move and live in Paraiso starting Easter Sunday of 2022. I also started attending daily Mass online at 5:00 AM when I woke up.

I rented a villa in Paraiso for eight months while my farm home was being built. I did my work online due to travel restrictions. My daily walk in the Bamboo Forest energized me, breathing unpolluted air, and relishing the chirping of the birds and the rustling of the leaves.

I took my daily meals of simple healthy farm food with farmers who became my family and community.

It was the third sign.

In December of 2022, my farm home was created within Paraiso. The thanksgiving celebration and blessing was on December 27 – the birth date of my 2nd father.

When travel restrictions were lifted, I drove three hours to my Makati workplace and three more hours going back home to Paraiso – daily from Monday to Friday. The long drives became part of my therapy – time to reflect and to pray. Time to pray for wisdom and strength as I move forward in my faith journey.

I believe my healing is because of the grace of discovering the Paraiso healing farm and my Paraiso family. It is because of the family in Pampanga who took care of me during this critical moment in my life. It is because of my own blood family who cares for me. It is because of friends and colleagues who help me transcend. It is because of the more meaningful life I am now living. A life focused not on myself but on what I can do for others. They all help me rise.

I believe that indeed God knows what is in the depths of our hearts. His plans are not necessarily our plans. We may not understand the deeper meaning of tragic things happening around us, but we must be patient and trustful that things will eventually uncover themselves. It is just a matter of time. A time well spent while choosing and deciding to live with a sense of higher purpose… something to die for – service to others for the greater Glory of God.

The greatest tragedy I suffered is now the biggest victory of God in my life.

A new door has been opened.

Thy will be done.

FAYE retired early from her job at SMART Communications to devote full-time to advocacy work for farmers and older people.