Embracing God’s Will

MARIANNE “GIRLIE” CRISOL

Bobby Crisol and I were married for almost 46 years and have five children. We thought we had everything we needed in our FAITH journey when we joined the Couples for Christ charismatic group in 1984 to understand our faith better, deepen our relationship with Jesus, and include our children in the same environment.

Shortly after, we joined a Christian covenanted community, Ang Ligaya Ng Panginoon, and tried our best to live a way of life pleasing to God. It was hard to fathom God’s ways. We had much work to do and experienced frustration, disappointment, distress, and confusion when circumstances did not conform to what we believed was right. Regrets over wrong decisions, bad relationships, and heartbreaks were followed by stress over adversities and tragedies.

BUT THEN…

“Who has known the mind of God” (Isaiah 40:13)

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways, My Ways, declares the Lord” (Isaiah 55:8-9).

We realized we were not in control; God was, and we needed to seek and trust him in everything in our lives. He taught us virtues such as patience and how to wait on Him.

We began interacting with Him through daily prayers, reflections, and Scripture reading, all in a spirit of praise and thanksgiving. (1Thessalonians 5: 16-17)

We called on God to shape our desires according to His Will and Plan for our lives, submitting them to His Mercy and Grace. We committed our ideas, work, and actions to His Glory and Purpose.

In 2005, we migrated to the United States, where our children continued their education and pursued their respective careers. We gave them WINGS to soar high and ROOTS of Faith to remain firmly grounded. Eventually, four of our children got married and started their own families. We now have 10 grandchildren, ages 1 to 15.

In January 2019, Bobby’s more serious health challenges began necessitating dialysis 3x a week for the first 3 1/2 years, then 4x a week thereafter, each session lasting 3 1/2 hours, added to other medical concerns. I was now wife, nutritionist, cook and housekeeper, caregiver, driver, planner, and “gofer,” even as my heart took joy in the times we could enjoy with our children and grandchildren. We continued to serve God through our community whenever possible. Bobby amazed and inspired many in his health journey, even coining the battle cry: THERE IS LIFE AFTER DIALYSIS! We seized each day. We went through the pre-pandemic months attending functions, family and community gatherings, making arrangements for his dialysis to be scheduled if we were out of state. The pandemic years saw us with enough energy and zeal to continue praising God and praying to Him for so many intentions.

Bobby passed on Nov 15, 2023. The last two years of our journey included countless hospitalizations and complications that required medical interventions. I stayed close to Bobby as his 24/7 caregiver and prayer partner, with the curveballs coming continuously. I wondered how I could keep praising God through the tempests in our lives.

Yet we continued serving and meeting with our community, colleagues, and friends in the Bay Area, California.

Bobby shared his journey through social media. We joined intercessory prayer groups and some Bible Study Groups via Zoom. He always found time to call or FaceTime with our grandchildren, laugh with them, share stories, and sometimes teach them to pray and talk about Jesus. He freely shared his thoughts on sports, politics, and family matters or discussed their particular situations and concerns. And he prayed for all these, leaving his mark so deeply in each of us whose life he touched. In the end, he went to our Creator, sent off by us his family with relentless prayers for his smooth passage to Eternity, with thanksgiving and admiration in our hearts. He had run a good race and fought a good fight. Our daughters described his death as “so surreal.”

In December  2023, as my children and I were grieving Bobby’s passing, I got hospitalized for pneumonia. After thorough examinations, I was diagnosed with early metastatic lung cancer. The suddenness totally dazed me, and I didn’t know how to feel.

My children took turns flying back to be with me. I thought Bobby was in a hurry to take me with him. Yet I imagined our children and grandchildren’s pain and agony if that happened. My mind was muddled up, yet I couldn’t explain my sense of peace. The Lord whispered, “Don’t worry, don’t be afraid, I will take care of you and your children… I will be with you through your journey as I was with Bobby throughout his.” Then, I left it at that.

Soon, my urgently needed treatment began. My children lived in different States but moved fast as a team. I felt their love and desire to hold on to me. Prayers poured in from family and friends, my dear siblings and from LOTS of communities we had been a part of. The kindness and unceasing prayers were concrete manifestations of our Heavenly Father’s Great Love for my children and me.

We all belong to Him, and I remembered the prayers of King David in the Bible: “Who am I, O Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?” (2 Samuel 7:18) and also “What is man that you should think of us, mere humans that you should care for us? (Psalm 8:4)

Yes, Lord, I would pray, “Who am I that you should love me so much?” I am nothing and insignificant in the scheme of your Omnipotence and your magnificent creation…. and you are my God!

Upon my children’s suggestion, I flew to NYC and stayed with my son, Jon-D and his family while I received medical care and treatment at MSK Cancer Center. My children traveled from their home states, taking turns keeping me company and attending my medical appointments. The “breaks” from medical procedures allowed me to bond with my family at their homes.

The Lord put purpose in our lives and our “new normal.” He blesses me with “bonuses” and surprises to spice up my days. His Goodness, Mercy, and Grace continue to follow me all the days of my life, filling me with so much JOY, PEACE, and HOPE.

When I felt worn out and burdened at the start of my illness, He comforted me: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

I had learned from Bobby to call upon the Lord to sanctify my sufferings. I would thank Him for the cross He has allowed me to carry. Because with it, I get to share in His suffering, even if only in an infinitesimal way. I asked Him to give me the strength and faith to persevere so that I may bring glory to His name. I thank Him for every “Simon” He has sent to help me bear my cross. I pray for healing and even for a miracle, but I will surrender to His Will and unite my suffering with His passion.

A reflection that called me to REJOICE and be THANKFUL has had such profound meaning for me. I thought I already had that disposition through the years as I trusted myself, my logic, and my need for control. Then I realized that trusting in Jesus entirely is the channel through which His PEACE can flow into me. The spirit of thankfulness lifts me above any circumstances. This was a mindset change in my life.

The simple prayer of trust, “O Jesus, I surrender myself to You, take care of everything,” has been such a powerful and uplifting prayer that I have prayed it through all my medical tests and procedures. I realized I could accompany Jesus in any suffering as He abandoned Himself to the Father’s Will. Letting Jesus take care of everything means HIS Will be done!

Help comes from the Lord in tumultuous storms (Psalm 121:2). Even in the darkest times, I can praise God for His love, sovereignty, and promise to be near us when we call Him (Psalm 145:18).

Many times in the Bible, He said: “Do not be afraid.” I feel assured with this, for He had said: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

I pray for the courage to confront my fears with Christ Jesus in me, with me, and all around me.

Through all that is happening, I remain grateful as my CUP overflows!