JOEL RYAN TUGADE
The last few days have been a rich source of inspiration and encouragement as droves of people came by to pay their last respects to our father. Stories of how he had been through the years and what he has done for them have only shown us how countless individuals and families share our deep love. My father has not only been an excellent provider who gave us the best life that he could but also a steadfast servant leader, an empathetic and inspiring boss, and the embodiment of a good Christian.
Daddy is one of the simplest people I know. I am sure he would not wear his coat and tie if he had his way. It took me ages before I finally convinced him to have a barong made. He is most comfortable with a T-shirt and jeans, with rubber shoes. His most formal is a Chinese collar. If he can wear shorts daily, he would. He is a person who is not shy about giving a good word about any individual. He is demonstrative, expressive, and sentimental. “ Ang pogi naman ng anak ko “ or “ ang ganda ganda ng bebi ko “. “ kumain ka na hijo? “ or “ hijo please join us for dinner “ or “ do you want me hijo to wait for you?“ are not uncommon statements for him to make. He treats every day as a special day that God has made to do and be good to repay the blessing of life given on every wakeful moment. This consistent attitude of thankfulness explains why he has never lost that contagious smile.
People have been asking me if he gets mad. No man cannot do so, for we are just human, but only with a heart so big that one can bear the anger quietly, distill it, and bury it so that we can remove from us the pain and bring us out from potential sin. He does not raise his voice; he looks over and beyond infractions and, as a man of few words, accepts situations as they come while carrying the offense without complaint. His silence speaks volumes, and when he does get mad, his reprimand comes in the way of a simple conversation that touches our minds, opens our hearts and eyes, and brings realization to our lips with a clearer sense of what is wrong.
The pain we have felt in reliving our weekend memories has not yet gone away. It remains and elicits waves of sadness at any time and moment. Gone is our father, the rock and lynchpin that holds our family strong, firm, and together. Daddy is now no more. Superman has returned to heaven.
However, he lives in our hearts. Who we are today is what he has molded us to be.
As a business owner, he has taught me that we should always keep a sharp eye on the ball. Challenges may come, and distractions may attempt to cloud our logic and obstruct our plans, but as long as we know the end goal and our objectives are firm in sight, the light shall always consume the darkness and clear our paths. He has taught me the importance of working in unison with people, for no individual is so granted the talent and ability to accomplish things alone. Every outcome is a byproduct of the outputs of many; thus, no achievement is singular. It is always a fruit of group efforts guided by the humility to accept one’s weaknesses and give way to others for the good of the many. He has taught me the importance of planning and the critical nature of contingency preparations, for no success has happened without taking the time to go through the details and lay down a framework for execution.
My father has always emphasized that we should think about others more than ourselves, for God will always provide. God sees, and He rewards. It is always better to be the one to give than ask, and even if we have the littlest resources in our hands, it is still a blessing to share with others, for we have been entrusted with more. Having faith in what tomorrow will bring and hoping for the future are lampposts that brighten the path of his daily living. That is why he never fails to be the sunshine despite the rain, for he knows that God will never leave us alone and wanting. He has taught me the importance of asking and extending forgiveness. There are no perfect people; sometimes, we have said and done things driven by our emotions and feelings. We are not always proud of what we do, and it is only by exercising the collected and calm level-headedness he has exemplified that we can look beyond the faults and, as Christ did, demonstrate acts of mercy to give peace to our souls.
A sense of family is at the core of his being. Family trips are a source of joy for him; these bridge the geographical distances that place us oceans apart. Virtual daily family rosaries are his way to embed in our consciousness the integral nature of One God and a venue to keep ourselves posted on what each one is doing, for he believes that together, we shall be stronger. He encourages us to reach out to distant relations and gather for reunions to get to know other family members more closely and intimately. To him, family is not just based on blood, however. Family to him is community, where and when everyone gathers together, breaks bread, and enjoys one another’s company. That is why we find the depth and breadth of loss so immeasurable among us, within Coolaire, among his friends in the Knights of Columbus, and within the church.
Do we feel lonely? Yes, we do. His departure is an irreplaceable void. We are now less one loved one in our family, our lives will never be whole again, and his seat will always be empty at the table, but we have to survive. Grief is forever; we will not heal, but we take comfort in the fact that he is regarded well by people and lives through the beautiful memories of his family, friends, and loved ones who have come out to honor him. As people tell us, he is now in a better place; we must explain it more often to our hearts and minds. Family and friends, I have lost my Daddy. I will never be close to being like him – my guide, inspiration, and beacon – but I hope to learn and take after him in the family, in Coolaire, and in the community with a more profound sense of responsibility and love for many.
“We do not have to rely on memories to recapture the spirit of those we have loved and lost – they live within our souls in some perfect sanctuary which even death cannot destroy.” He is part of us now, even more intimately than before. We will never be alone again. As the song said, “We’re all just merely passing through doing what we can do for a lifetime. “He has done well and loved so much, exceptionally and meritoriously. Thank you, Daddy, for everything you have been to us, who you are, and who we have become because of you. I will love and miss you forever.
I am lucky to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. Thank you.
EXCERPTS FROM THE HONORING OF JERRY TUGADE, OCTOBER 21 2023