TERESITA TANSECO-CRUZ
When my beloved sister Monina was stricken with cancer, I threw myself into a frenzy, doing everything I could to help her, wanting to be with her in every way possible. One day, she sat me down and said in a gentle voice full of love and concern: “Baby, I feel you’re trying to take on my illness so I can be spared.” We fell into tears and then laughter as I confessed that indeed, I had already asked God to at least split her illness between us, to lighten her burden. In jest, we tried to envision who was going to take which half.
I watched my sister struggle valiantly with the disease she called “the goblins,” step by prayerful step. Her desire to live was intense, but her desire to live by God’s will was compelling. She was deeply saddened to realize that her days, especially with loved ones, were fast dwindling. Yet she felt an abiding peace in God’s presence and love and plan for her. She likened her remaining life on earth to “enjoying a beautiful sunset outside my house, for as long as I can. But when my parents call me back to the house, I shall go willingly.” I then began adding, to my pleas for her recovery, prayers for my own journey of trust and surrender and faith…of finding meaning in life’s burdens. Her cross was drawing me closer to God.
One morning, lying in the hospital fettered by tubes and debilitated by those goblins, she said with amazing equanimity and joy: “ There is nothing wrong in my life, Baby. Everything is as God has willed it!” Shortly after that, the Father did call this child home, and with tranquil readiness, she walked away from the sunset. My heart broke with grief, but in that loss lay deep comfort, for God had bound us in his love and grace. I could not take on the Big C for Monina. Instead, I took in the bounty from her Big C – Courage. Cross. Commitment.
I imagine that when we commend ourselves to God, especially through the tightest passages of our journey, we are like a tree being chopped down to our roots, our essence, the true self he created us to be. If we give him free rein with love and fearless trust, redemptive branches can spring forth for others to partake of, just as I partook of my sister’s saving yield. Those who harvest from our tree can, in turn, bear fruit for others through their own crosses.
And so I believe it goes… a continuous stream of accompanying one another until each one, in God’s time, walks away from the sunset.
I feel, reading your reflection, that your piece resonates with me, Tess, even if i dont know you. Its a beautiful sharing, if i may contribute to the feedback box. My own piece is empty of any comments too, so i thought i would share my reaction and thank you for sharing your experience.
In the autumn of our lives, we should truly savor each moment of ’watching the sunset’ and conciously leave behind ’redemptive branches’ as our meaningful legacy.
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