Anxiety Disorder, Depression: God is Beside Me

GREG MONTECLARO

For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

I was officially diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression five years ago after l went through three different critical procedures that almost cost my life. I have learned to live every day with this mental illness for a long time.

Here is how I would describe my depressive and anxiety episodes: My mind would feel like it’s been overtaken by negative emotions and thoughts, such as fear, futility, and dying. The onslaught either comes in sudden waves, or l sink slowly into a miry pit of despair and helplessness that can last for weeks at a time.

When the anxiety and depression are at their worst, l become either emotionally numb or undergo intense psychological anguish. I would find it difficult to concentrate for long periods and become easily overwhelmed. Seeing others around me living and enjoying life would give me heartache because l would feel like a spectator standing alone at the sidelines.

To combat anxiety disorder and depression, l chose to eat healthy food and exercise. I tried to avoid stressful activities, thoughts and seek professional help on a regular basis. 

Ultimately, my faith in the power of the Greatest Doctor triumphed and helped me. Thus, I have spent enormous time reading the Bible and doing spiritual reflections. I believe these verses work within me as I speak them aloud and help me keep my focus on God.

Whenever l experience mental turmoil, I would speak aloud the Bible verses that correspond to my situation, such as:

During bouts of fear, l would shout,  “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)

When l am overwhelmed, I utter the passage, “You will keep in perfect peace, those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)

Every day, l waited with hopeful expectations for deliverance. “But as for me, I watch in hopes for the Lord; I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” (Micah 7:7)

l thank God for His goodness and I present my prayers and petitions to him. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6) 

I also am grateful to all my loved ones and friends who prayed regularly for me. I believe that one receoves complete healing through Jesus, who loves us unfailingly.  l also believe that he wants us to enjoy life “to the full .” (John 10:10)

Anxiety disorder and depression have prevented me from leading a healthy, functioning life. Yet, amid all these, God led me to write my reflections as l struggled to find the strength and concentration to sit down at the keyboard. During such times, l prayed fervently to him to heal me so that l could do his leading. 

Many a night, l lay awake and cried out to God in distress for healing. When the darkness would not lift, l faced only two alternatives if he wanted me to endure this phase. Either I choose to love him and trust that he will work out everything for my good, or l can turn away from him and fend for myself.

Considering that my life was a total mess, the latter was a poor option. During those times when l would sit in the dark, emotionally and physically drained, l remembered what God spoke to me in the light: He will not test me beyond my endurance, and he will never fail me nor forsake me. 

With these reminders in mind, l have chosen to trust, lean, and rely on God completely. Eversince I decided to put on my eyes of faith, I can now see God’s grace, provision, and favor rather than my difficulties. God has blessed me with kind doctors, financial resources and has enabled me to write productively, for which l am truly grateful.

l know God has a wonderful purpose for me; anxiety disorder and depression have only become a part of the journey he wants me to take to fulfill his entire plan for my life. 

I am now totally healed of my anxiety disorder and depression.

“I know what it means to lack, and I know what it means to experience overwhelming abundance. For I’m trained in the secret of overcoming all things, whether in fullness or hunger. And I find that the strength of Christ’s explosive power infuses me to conquer every difficulty.”  (Philippians 4:12-13)