Mommy

EMMANUEL C. NAZARENO

My parents, Norberto “Boy” and Evelyn, recently passed away – three months apart – in February and May, respectively. My sister, Pia N. Acevedo, wrote an earlier article about them in White Butterfly, Nothing Happens by Chance on January 1, 2022, after finding out they had 4th-stage cancer. (See the category Pananagutan link).

I want to share three main points about my mother. She was a person with integrity. She was the same towards everyone, consistent even in her quirks, biases, and temperament. 

I love that word integrity, which comes from the root word integer, whole numbers as we know in math. My mom lived her life fully with a strong sense of identity, never shying away from conforming to what other people thought. She knew who she was and was proud of it. The truth is, we are now all proud to have known Evelyn Bass-Nazareno. I am very blessed that she happened to be my mom.

The three things I want to write about mom are her Spirit, her Mind, and her Heart.

HER SPIRIT 

Mom was “siga” (indomitable) and was proud of it. She talked a mean game and could back it up too! She wouldn’t back down to anyone. She would always tell us the story of how boxing was their favorite thing to play with her brothers and how she would always beat them up and win. She was strong-spirited, for sure!

But when I talk about mom’s Spirit, it is her spirituality – her Spirit with a capital S. Her super strong, unique Spirit coming from the one true Source. She, once the English teacher, would be proud of that alliteration. 

Figures of speech aside, as some have seen from mom’s recorded reflection videos, we know how her journey here on earth has led her to the one true Source and how important that was to her. It takes something extraordinary to have a reputation for being such a godly person. That’s what she was – she was special. She prayed regularly to the Holy Spirit to take over her life, surrendered, and allowed God to use her. That’s her and my father’s most important legacy – my most treasured inheritance.

But what was admirable about mom was that I saw her develop and deepen her faith as the years went by. She never stopped learning about God and how He designed life to be. We would always talk about our faith and what we learned in our regular calls. And I think as she allowed her faith to lead her life more, the better the mother she became. Seek ye first the kingdom of God… (Mt 6:33)

Writing about mom’s Spirit wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention my mother’s kindred spirits – her beloved husband, family, and friends. Sadly, I didn’t grow close to many of her friends, unlike my older siblings Kris, Carlo, and Pia. Still, I knew some because she always spoke fondly of everyone: Tita Celia, Tita Mimi, Tita Dodit, Tita Amalie, Tita Lourdes, the doñas of La Vista, her bridge group, prayer group, and their New York group. All were always in her thoughts and prayers.

Mom always held a soft spot for all her priest friends – Fr. Manoling, Fr. Green, Fr. Balchand, and Fr. Peter. She would call them her idols because of how brilliant she thought they were.

She was consistent like that – never holding back praise and admiration for people. It was normal to hear her say, “Ang galing galing niya!” or “Ang husay niya talaga!” or “Nakakatuwa talaga siya!” (He or she is excellent, or great, or delightful.)

She shared stories not only about her friends and their children’s achievements but also about how they rose from their adversities. She shared these to motivate us, her children because the stories inspired her.

This brings me to the power of HER MIND.

No one was a bigger advocate of the power of the Mind than my mom. Mind over matter, she would always say. 

She was always fascinated with stories about people who had brilliant minds. Especially with the Filipinos that made it great on the world stage. She was always in awe of people who were experts in their fields. Also, she always questioned and wondered why some people behaved in certain ways and how other countries thrived and ours couldn’t.

She had a good worldview as she traveled the world with my Papa and sometimes with us. Their favorite thing was to travel together as a family, see the world, go on pilgrimages, and eat all kinds of food. Oh, the adventures we had together! Our Lady of Lourdes, France, was their favorite place in the world. As a family, we were so happy that she was able to go there one last time before dying.

Her Mind was so strong that she could convince herself of things and make them happen, AKA as her stubbornness. This goes beyond – driving a car even without being able to see out of one eye.

The last example of stubbornness was she spent two weeks in April with my family and me in London. And as some of you might know, how do you care for someone about to die. Do you give her what she wants? Why deprive someone dying of what she wants. But then, when you do so, she will be in pain, and you don’t want to see her in pain. As a carer, I felt stuck.

Trying to educate her, I told her, “Mom, you know that the sugar feeds cancer, right. She said, “I don’t believe that. If that were true, I would have been sick or dead long ago.” This was the parent who allowed us to have chocolate cake for breakfast when we were growing up. Her favorite quote was from Garfield, saying eat your dessert first. 

True enough, her mind and body were so strong she still reached 76 years old, given her bad habits. Her pain tolerance was out of this world. I saw her will and prayed the pain from cancer to stop at times. 

When talking about her Mind, I want to mention her mindfulness. She was always aware of people’s favorites and what they disliked. When we had guests, she would always be engaged. She made people feel important. She was considerate and kind. But also, she was conscious if things were wrong or something was amiss. 

Mom was aware that people she cared for who had great potential were changing and were not living up to what they could be. I guess that’s why she was so hard on us as her children. She would get mad at us to set us straight. 

I remember when she got mad at me for coming home past curfew. I knew what she wanted to say was, “I love you, Emmanuel. I was just worried about you. You’re still so young. There will be a time for that.” I believe that was what was at her heart. 

Which I thought was an excellent way to transition to talking about the last point –

HER HEART.

Now, how much of a generous heart she had – not only with money but with time and resources. It is also worth noting that her laugh was one of the most infectious things in the world. She could make you laugh even without finishing the joke or story because she laughed from the heart.

However, I think it is apt that we highlight her love for the poor. 

Her compassion for the poor was amazing. She and her friends never stopped thinking of livelihood and feeding programs through our parish, Sta. Maria della Strada. 

She loved and cared for the poor with all her heart. She knew their pain well. And she never stopped trying to help. I often told her that even if you helped one person, that would have been enough. 

Once upon a time, I used to play basketball, and I was an athlete because my mom was an athlete when she was younger. Her death has made me realize that my reputation as Mr. All-Heart (and no skill) was because of my mom. I got my looks from my dad, but my personality was more like my mom’s. 

My mom had a very unusual approach to watching my games, especially the big ones. When the games were close and tense, she would leave the stands, start walking outside in the concession area and start praying. She loved me most when she unceasingly prayed for me. She always prayed for the best for me, even if that meant losing games. 

She knew that our biggest obstacle in life will always be ourselves, our ego. The common theme in her prayers was humility and realizing that everything was a gift. Our lives are possible only because of God’s grace. Her weaknesses made her pursue what we admire about her. She pursued God. 

Paul in Corinthians said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

It was no surprise to us when she insisted on going to the miting de avance last May 7. She was there for every rally since EDSA. Why stop now? It wouldn’t have been right if we kept her from going. Again, this speaks of her integrity – her consistency. When she was here in London, all she was talking about was going door-to-door with my nephews and campaigning for Leni when she got home. 

The beauty about that photo that went viral is how her facial expression showed a joyful intensity. If you look closely at her face and you know her, you can be confident that she was absolutely happy to be there, and she was there to fight. The fact that she was able to vote was God’s way of rewarding her. She was like that – she said something, did it, and followed through. God just made her reach exponentially more with that one last time. Like others who know the beauty of embracing the struggle – my mom was there. If we choose to see it, it is where we get a glimpse of God and how He designed life to be – growth happens in the trials. My mom saw God in her blindness.

My prayer for everyone is that my mom’s life and my Papa’s can give us hope in the answer – the suffering can stop now if we choose to by the way we live our lives.

The pursuit of excellence is something my parents tried to do. They tried their best to be the change they wanted to see in this world. They loved well because they failed miserably at times. The composure and the confidence they carried were because they knew the truth that God is the Source – he is the way and who can provide for what we long for and seek.