BERNIE CUEVAS
Living each day as if it were the last
This phrase is certainly not an original line. Many have written reflections on this topic and one notable quote came from Steve Jobs in a commencement address he gave on June 12, 2005. He said he read this quote when he was 17, “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right”! This was a year after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He died in 2011. But what caught my attention was the question he asked himself. “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?”
I was in Baguio when the 7magnitude earthquake struck Baguio City. Although the epicenter was Abra, the ground shook violently where we stayed in Itogon. It felt like the ground was going to open up, the creaking, rumbling sound was so scary, and I thought the building might collapse and the ground would open and swallow us. The cars swayed quite violently, and the wires were dancing like crazy. I was shaking inside, and I felt strong palpitations in my heart. The scene playing in my mind was like the apocalypse movies I have seen! Although Baguio was generally spared from disaster, Abra and Ilocos Sur were not. I would say we were very blessed and covered by the Lord’s protection.
However, since that experience, I have noticed myself changing. Whereas the thought of dying is not new, the idea that any day could be the last day of my life suddenly seemed very real and could be just around the corner. It shook me and disturbed my comfort zone.
I began to look at how I was spending my day and what thoughts and feelings preoccupied my mind. What my behavior was like, and how I affected others. I needed to reflect more deeply on the question, “am I ready to encounter the Lord face to face.”
The song “I can only imagine” by MercyMe kept popping into my mind, and I reflected on the lyrics “surrounded by your Glory, what will my heart feel.” What would I do? What do I need to be to reach the point of being surrounded by God’s glory? What graces should I humbly beg for from the Lord before it is too late?
If there is a word that would describe me, it would probably be prudent, aka “kuripot” (stingy). My whole life, I was prudent. Being away from my parents since high school, I needed to be careful in all my decisions and expenses. When I lost my husband at age 37, I became even more prudent since my children were still young, and there were long years ahead to ensure they would finish school and lead good lives. But maybe the prudence I exercised lacked faith in God’s providence, and I became very focused on security, defined as being self-sufficient, which led to pride. I would avoid asking for help, and I guess I was also not so approachable to people who needed help. The picture was not very pretty.
Somehow, I noticed natural changes in my thoughts, desires, and decisions. I noticed that the idea of what I would like to do if it were the last of my life became very liberating. I spent time with the Lord talking about my fears and anxieties about security in my old age. By God’s grace and through His loving patience, he made me realize how foolish that exercise was. Ultimately, I realized that control was never in my hands; it was only in my mind. For all those years of hidden pride, I begged for forgiveness.
Now, what preoccupies me is no longer what I want to happen. I have been given the grace of experiencing the joy of living every day as if it were my last. I try to spend more time with people; I try to spend time just enjoying their happiness. I try to observe how my behavior affects others and be gentle and understanding. I say sorry when I realize I probably offended someone. I try to be more generous and giving. I try not to be too strict and too practical to be insensitive. I even finally sat down to write this. I reflect on the thoughts, desires, and feelings that rule my day. I pray every day for God’s transforming love and grace to make me witness the love of Christ.
I may not always be successful, but I try not to be too hard on myself, knowing that God knows the deepest desire of my heart. I am sure that in his loving, patient way, He will guide me so that I will always be mindful of what will please Him every day of my life. I am sure what pleases Him will lead to my joy. I will continue to pray for the grace that I may live each day joyfully, generously, and faithfully as if it were my last, and dream of that day when I will find myself surrounded by God’s glory!
