CONCHITA G. BIGORNIA
“Sometimes things don’t make sense until the end of the story.”
I came across this post from one of Malee’s nieces while I was looking for comfort from my grief over the loss of my husband, Malee.
Post from one of Malee’s nieces on the day he died.
“God keeps His promises for just like that. The rain stopped, and this rainbow’s end came out, and I knew everything would be okay. They say the road to Heaven is paved with glittering precious stones, creating a rainbow of colors. We asked. YOU answered. A greater adventure awaits our Peter Pan, our greatest Showman, our Gandalf the Grey (the wizard in the Lord of the Rings who led the fight against the Dark Lord). I’m sure Heaven gained one of the best today. Bon Voyage Papa Joe. We will miss you very much.”
Ten years ago, Malee changed his cover photo on his Facebook to that of a rainbow and his profile pic to an artistic, hazy-like picture. It made a lot of meaning as I look back to the day he joined his Creator.
On October 1, 2022, the month of the Holy Rosary, a first Saturday, Mary’s Day, and the Feast of St. Therese, my husband, Jose Mari or Malee, or Papa Joe, to his nephews and nieces, breathed his last. A double rainbow was seen, a symbol of hope, promise, and love, a call to take a leap of faith and start afresh.
Unknown to most, Malee was a quiet and personal devotee of Mama Mary. He always carried a rosary in a little blue pouch. I found that pouch in the drawer of his bedside table after his burial. Along with the rosary, there was a prayer for Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and St. Therese. His mother influenced Malee’s devotion. While he was still courting me, Wednesday afternoons were spent at Baclaran Church, followed by dinner. When we were married, it was at Redemptorist Church, followed by brunch. Sunday masses were at the Carmelite sisters.
After Malee’s mom passed away, Our Mother guided us through our ups and downs, even after Malee’s retirement. A huge scapular given by one of the Carmelite sisters symbolized strength.
Malee never imagined he would have the career of his life in Manila, holding a top position in a private company after retirement. We consider this a gift from Our Father and Our Lady for his dedication and commitment to managing, against all odds, a school his dad had founded and managed with his faith, effort, and determination. He wanted to protect his father’s legacy and declined the attractive opportunities that came his way. He had no idea that his unexpected retirement, left with no immediate stable source of income and children still in college, was his biggest professional blessing.
Fast forward to 2022
It started with a lingering cough in March of 2021, a consultation only to progress to three hospitalizations. The first was for ten days. We were discharged before Holy Week. And the last two, staying one month each. We shuffled from one doctor to another, from one specialist to another, trying to find answers.
During his second hospitalization, we were in the ER for three nights, as there were no rooms available due to a shortage of nurses. With an infection and an extremely fragile body, on the 3rd day, my only prayer was, “Lord, “if you want to heal Malee, please give us a room tonight.” At six that evening, we were transferred to a room.
Doing what was medically possible, we entrusted Malee to His Divine Mercy, healing, and grace, armed with our faithfulness to our daily online Masses, the Holy Rosary, Chaplet of the Divine Mercy, and Healing Prayer by St. Padre Pio. Even when Malee was weak, he would join me, even if it meant just making the sign of the Cross. His constant companion was a vest of Our Lady of Penafrancia wrapped in a cloth under his pillow.
We were blessed with good caregivers who would help Malee maneuver around the room and keep him comfortable. While they were taking care of Malee, we also naturally needed to take care of the house, which we jointly did with Malee for years. My long-time prayer for a suitable stay-in kasambahay (maid) was finally granted, just in time before Malee went home after his second hospitalization. Nurturing na, buotan, and lami pa moluto. (The kasambahay is caring, nurturing, kind, and cooks well.) As one of my friends told me, “Ang galing naman! Pag ang Blessed Mother ang nagbigay, walang sabit.” (This is so great! When the Blessed Mother gives, she leaves nothing hanging.)
Malee’s case was a mystery, and it was after five months that a conclusive diagnosis was presented after completing all five tests for Multiple Myeloma. Even the Hematologist was amazed and confused as to why one test would not confirm another. After the last two tests from Manila, it confirmed that it was Multiple Myeloma, a cancer of the blood, which was the initial, suspected diagnosis. What Malee got was the more fatal variant. It was in the 5th month since his initial hospitalization the final diagnosis was given. It was on the 6th month that he passed away.
Chemotherapy, supposedly the only cure, did not offer any guarantee. Hesitatingly but with faith, Malee underwent the first and last chemo. My prayer during this 3rd and previous hospitalization was, “If it’s not Your will to cure Malee, please don’t make him suffer much and give him a peaceful death.” Another answered prayer. Come to think of it, Malee was not even brought to the ICU, nor was he given morphine for his pain. I believe that Malee just suffered enough to purify him.
The last three nights before his death, Malee kept staring blankly at the ceiling. I asked him what he saw. He never responded. One evening, as he was staring at the ceiling again, I asked him, “Mal, s”wow ang suga kay akong pag ngon.” (Isn’t the light glaring so I can put it off?) He suddenly stared at me, “Ngano “an imong pag ngon. Dili man na suga diri.” (Why will you put it off. That light is not in this room.)
This time, I knew he was leaving us very soon.
*PART 2 will be published in the October 2024 issue.