CONCHITA G. BIGORNIA
There was a night when he was very restless, gasping for breath, his feet going up as if someone was drowning despite the oxygen. By this time, we had used up more than 40 oxygen tanks or less in just two weeks. If you have not seen your loved one in a situation like this, you will not be able to understand the feeling. And consoling is not even enough.
After consulting our children, I signed the No Resuscitation, No Intubation, and No Dialysis documents. Malee would not want any of these procedures on him.
At this time, I placed the gold vest of Our Lady of Penafrancia on his chest while we prayed the rosary and worship songs were played. I whispered and assured him that we would all be fine. We had a video call since not everyone was around. But that evening was not yet his time.
He waited for all our children to come home from Australia and Manila to be complete as a family. If you knew Malee, he loved to be surrounded by his family and friends, especially when everyone was having a good time. The night before he died, the whole clan or Tribe Bigornia was there to be with him, listening to his favorite music, laughing, and talking about their favorite experiences, particularly with their Papa Joe. Even if you could see him having difficulty, he still wanted to join the fun.
He breathed his last on October 1, at 7:35 in the morning, just when my two children left, when not one of our family members was around. He never wanted to be a bother to anyone, more so to me. He went on his terms, quietly and peacefully. He left on a special day of Our Blessed Mother.
Joy is rooted in a deep sense of gratitude for God’s goodness. As we embrace His gift of a peaceful death, our hearts find refuge in the Lord and our Blessed Mother for the grace of facing our fears, acceptance, and healing love.
There are many kinds of joy, but they all lead to one: the joy of being loved. Malee was well-loved. “His kindness effortlessly lingers around him,” a message from a dear friend in the community. He was a good man, a very supportive and caring husband, a great father, a brother, a just boss, and a faithful servant. He lived a passionate life filled with optimism, commitment, and fun. To him, nothing is impossible if you have the will. He was not attached to anything, just to a family that he greatly loved. Letting go was not a big concern for him. As a patient, he complained little, even if one of his doctors said that the pain in his back, when his spine was compromised, was unbearable. He thought of others even when very sick, like if the caregiver had eaten. He was not affected by the trappings of his position, saying that these would be gone when he no longer held such a position.
He was larger in death than in life. We appreciated and loved him even more. The kids, who took turns ensuring that two were always present in the wake, met all sorts of friends, even just acquaintances of their dad, who had stories to tell. One theme of these stories is how funny, visionary, and generous their dad was with whatever resources he had at any given time. As we remember him, it is always with great fondness and funny memories filled with wisdom and foresight.
When we married and decided to live in Cebu, I was given a blank sheet of paper with a space to start my spiritual journey. We began with Couples for Christ in 1992. In 2023, I am starting fresh with the Handmaids of the Lord!
While we looked at our losses, we chose to be grateful for our wins, just like the Rainbow after the Rain. Our family bond became stronger, and so did my devotion to the Blessed Mother. Malee indeed left a void in our hearts but a legacy that will always bring a smile to our faces. My children and I are truly proud of him!
The Lord and the Blessed Mother prepared Malee for eternal peace. He was taken on a First Saturday, the first day of October, the month of the Holy Rosary, and the Feast of St. Therese. Malee had the Anointing of the Sick twice. Funeral and Novena Masses were all held at the Carmelites. On his 9th Day, I wished to have his resting place decorated with my favorite flower, Heliconia, a variety of the Bird of Paradise. However, I did not have the time to look for these flowers. But lo and behold! When I entered the Carmelite Church, its altars were all decorated with Heliconias. Another wish granted! I could not contain my tears of joy. I informed the Carmelite Sisters how providential this occurrence was.
As I look back, my heart is filled with gratitude for life, the circumstances, and how God had woven it into a Divine fabric that only He knew the significance of way before we even discovered it.
Indeed, there is always a Rainbow After the Rain, made beautiful by the blue sky!
