ROSE CABRERA
As the youngest child in a family of 12 and now a parent myself in her 50s, I appreciate the legacy of our Isada family more. You can imagine the variety of personalities, life situations, and dramas in our family. You name it, we have it!
Fourteen lives intertwined, challenged to navigate differences, be happy, and live lives of significance. We did it, for the most part.
A Cadbury Square & Mango Pit
The most symbolic and impactful things to me growing up were the single square of Cadbury chocolate and one side of the mango pit, which I usually shared because there were just so many of us who had to share: 15 people, namely my parents, 12 siblings, and my grandfather.
My Dad got four squares of Cadbury chocolate, while the rest got one square each. With a whole mango, my sister Diane and I got the middle pit, one side each—with her getting the meaty, hairy side while I got the other side.
Today, I can have an entire chocolate and mango fruit all to myself, but somehow, that single square and mango side pit tasted much better.
Both my parents, Henry and Mary Isada, passed away more than 26 years ago, and I always wonder what life would be like if they were still around today. I am sad that my teenage son never met them because he would have learned so much just by being around them.
(1) “Make do without whining”
Growing up, we were taught to be grateful and make do with what we had. My parents ran a small printing business, which amazingly provided enough for our lovely home and education at good schools but not much for anything else.
We all had to share everything and do our bit to help our parents out. No whining was allowed; otherwise, we would be on the receiving end of my Mom’s sharp tongue.
We were comfortable, but I rarely got a new school uniform, and the only time I got a new set of clothes was at Christmas. I usually just got hand-me-downs. I didn’t mind, as I was too happy to get new clothes on Christmas day.
(2) “You must carry your weight.”
“Child labor” was common in our household. Each of us younger kids was tasked with different jobs to help in our printing business, which we all had to complete before we could play.
For the printing business, Diane and I were tasked with collating, Jeannie and Tina with wrapping orders, and Beng with padding. For the household, Diane and I were tasked with cleaning the toilets, Jeannie and Tina were responsible for washing dishes, and Beng was accountable for setting the table before dinner. These all served us well as adults; we are well-trained in household chores and carry our weight.
(3) “Be there for each other.”
Jealousy and competition among us were rare. There may have been some favoritism, but not enough to wedge resentment or ill feelings among us. Each of us has our own set of friends, but we always gravitate and hang out together!
When I started working as a lawyer, I had a choice to buy my big house and fancy car and live the American Dream. However, I chose family. I worked it out with my siblings to buy a fourplex where we could live next to each other. I also purchased a minivan so that our family could fit in whenever we went to places in LA. We lived in that fourplex for 10 years, so my nephews and nieces grew up together. As working adults, they are very close and take care of each other the way family should.
I’m sure my siblings all have similar stories of their choices favoring the family, and all those could be traced to my parents’ sacrifice to keep the family together. We make it a point to be there for each other.
4) “Help whenever you can.”
My parents were the eldest in their families and carried huge responsibilities, helping their siblings and raising our family. My Mom always hosts Christmas parties in our house, to which extended family and friends are invited. In our scarcity, she still found ways to share and help.
My sister Dang said, “I remember one morning, our breakfast table was emptied because Mom gave our food to a needy relative. I asked Mom, ‘Where is the ham?’ and she said, ‘It’s OK, just eat pandesal and butter.’”
This kind of generosity lives on in each of my siblings as we find different ways to help those outside of our circles.
Both my parents were not outwardly religious or preachy, but they managed to instill in us the gift of the Catholic faith through their actions. God has been our refuge through all of life’s ins and outs. My Mom’s name is Maria, and to us, she epitomized Mama Mary in the flesh with her sacrificial and generous nature. My Dad, Henry, was hard-working, and even with his human frailties, he still managed to keep our family together and stable. Forgiveness is key to our family’s success. It is not easy, but as the priest in today’s homily said, “You cannot love if you cannot forgive.”
Today, I see glimpses of my parents’ legacy of goodness in our younger family members. I hope and pray that our actions, or a version of the lessons from the Cadbury chocolate and mango pit, will enable future generations to build on what my parents started.
Family is God’s handiwork! It is so central to life.
I was so ‘intriguingly’ touched by the Isada family events posted on FB by Rose.
Now, I understand…. and the Spirit causes me to smile!